Heavy Heart – O’Ryan Chris Anthony


“Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.” –Rumi

There is no worst feeling than opening a social media app where the first thing you see is someone you care is no longer with us. You stare at the post with heavy heart as we are never prepare for moments like this. In a matter of seconds, I went through all seven stages of grief, as I processed what I was reading. O’Ryan Chris Anthony Wade was no longer with us. Even as I write this my eyes are tearing and hands trembling. Why O’Ryan, why?

As the news spread of O’Ryan passing, friends and loved ones started posting memories as it became very clear, O’Ryan was special. He had this ability to brighten up a room, make you feel welcomed, make you forget why you were angry or sad. He lived and breathed making the world and community a better place. Testimonial after testimonial of what we all knew; you were one of a kind.

As many of those who you touched, we all have our stories of how you changed our day/mood for the better. I can share many of those stories, because every single time I interacted with you, my day got better. Rather it was you making me laugh and admitting that a techno event could be just as much fun as a trance show, or checking in on my camp site in the desert, or giving me praise for one of my reviews or interviews that you would read. You always made my day better and I am going to miss you.

I do not think we will ever fully understand the reasoning behind why you are not here and I do not think we are supposed to. I take comfort in knowing that our energy never leaves this earth, and you had such a positive energy, that maybe you needed to go, so your energy can heal us all. I know your spirit will still be on the dance floor with us.

“That though the radiance which was once so bright be now forever taken from my sight. Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, glory in the flower. We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind.” – William Wordsworth

The end of May has been a rough road for the trance and rave communities, especially in Southern California. The loss of Amanda Chavez, Carlos Cabrera, and O’Ryan Chris Anthony Wade has left the scene devastated. Three beautiful souls taken from us way to soon; and while I did not know Carlos, and only met Amanda once, their legacies, as well as O’Ryan’s, will live on forever through those they touched.

For their smiles will remain with us, their energies will dance with us, and their spirits will keep up moving forward. We owe them that.